Birthday Wishes

Sometimes I wonder if I should even update the blog with news of good scans.  You know I would if they were bad, right?  I often think about when Steven was first diagnosed with cancer.  I searched the internet for everything I could find about osteosarcoma, including blogs.  The only blogs I found were about kids who had lost their battle.  It was unnerving.  I promised myself that I would keep blogging, especially if Steven did well and survived. It is hard to keep up a blog, and in the years since he finished treatment, I have gotten less and less faithful.  I've said before that in some ways, I just want to move on.   But I think about people searching the web, looking for hope after a recent diagnosis and that is why I keep it going, even if it is sporadic. Having said that, Steven's scans looked good this week.  This was the first 6 month interval and it has been so nice to not have to worry so often.  This week Steven and Rob went...

On Saturday, Steven, Andrew and I participated in the Huntsman 140, a bike ride to fund raise for the Huntsman Center.   We tagged along with my sister, Alisa , and her husband's awesome parents who have given so passionately to this cause.    Alisa's father-in-law has been riding with a handful of people from Reno, Nevada, to the Huntsman center in Salt Lake--over 660 miles.  His dedication made me feel like a bit of a poser.  We did the final mile of the ride.  Yes, only a mile!  In fact, we were the only people who did only a mile--the other 700 riders did at least 25, 50, 75, 140  and even 660 miles.   But even so, this was  a big thing for us, and here is why. You must know that Steven has been riding bikes from a very young age.  He practically taught himself.  Our first home had a large unfinished basement and he rode bikes down there whenever he could.   Enter cancer--no more biking.  He had to lie low before ...

We were headed to California.  Steven had just had a biopsy of his leg and a confirmed diagnosis of osteosarcoma.  I had never felt such acute anxiety.  I practically hadn't slept or eaten in two days. What a difference the years have made.  It is weird to look back at that experience and feel like a bit of an outsider, when it shaped us so much into who we are today.  I feel like I have forgotten so much, maybe on purpose. Today I found out that my cousin's boy has leukemia.  I can't get him out of my mind.  When I told Steven, his face went white, he was horrified.   I may have mentioned that just as school was starting, a boy at Steven's school, in his grade, was diagnosed with osteosarcoma.  These instances are hitting too close to home, and while I should be some sort of big help, I feel like my hands are tied by the very thing that should make me the most helpful. It's weird.  There is a reason I don't write much anymore--it's part...

I don't post very often anymore, and I have been meaning to post for a week about Steven's most recent scans.  They looked great!  He went in the week before Christmas.  He's had a cough (possibly multiple coughs) since his last scans.   I can't deny I was worried about metastasis.  But I was very busy with Christmas preparations and school events and so I didn't have much time to worry.  Besides, Steven was adamant that everything would be fine. He was right again, thank heavens!  The ECHO was good and so was the blood work as well as the scans. We felt so grateful and happy.  I wanted to shout it out to the world on social media, but something held me back.   The same week as Steven's scans, one bone cancer (Ewings sarcoma) boy got news of relapse and another Ewings patient was waiting on a lung biopsy result, which luckily turned out to not be cancer.   And with all that, a month or so ago, a little osteosarcoma patient who also had a...

It is so crazy to me that of the 400 cases of osteosarcoma every year in the United States, one of them this year is a boy at Steven's school and in Steven's grade.  And from what I understand, his tumor is on the same bone and on the same leg as Steven's. They've never been in the same class, so Steven doesn't know him very well yet.  He's been in treatment for a few months and is getting his surgery this week if all goes well. At the school, the sixth graders and several of the teachers and staff shaved their heads or donated hair to Locks of Love yesterday to show solidarity to this boy.   Steven wanted to be first in line--I think he really wants to do something to help him, and I haven't been the best at finding him an opportunity to follow through with that desire.  I was so grateful that the teachers and kids at school planned this support day at school.   Steven loved it!  Addie has been growing her hair out for some ti...

The kids--all grown up and off to Hogwarts The boy who lived A rare shot of Molly holding still Pumpkin picking--a hard choice Hatching a monarch--an exciting development. Steven played soccer this fall and loved it!  He tried his hardest and got lucky with his team.  They were undefeated this fall. 

Today is Daniel's birthday--I can hardly believe it has been a whole year since he was born and died.  The year has been long in some ways, and yet sometimes a wave of sadness will wash over me that is as fresh as it was a year ago.  It isn't as debilitating now, but I think about him every day. I was thinking about what I wanted to write on my blog for his birthday, and I have decided to share a few things I've learned or experienced with grief.  I am not an expert, but I know more now than I did a year ago.  And maybe something I share can be helpful to someone else. Those first few weeks and months I found the grief very intense.  I would cry all the time and hold his blankets and stay in bed.  I was recovering physically, so that didn't help either.  I think my kids were really worried about me, they hadn't seen me so sad before.  While I was very sad, there was also a very real sense of peace in my heart.  I know that Christ's promise th...